In the 1990s, I had a small publishing company that I grew into Made for Success, selling hundreds of thousands of personal development programs through large retailers like Costco, Sam’s Club, Wal-Mart, Target and Barnes and Noble. Zig Ziglar was the most popular expert in the program. I also had a television show in Dallas where I interviewed some of the top business achievers and thought leaders of our time. Zig’s team wanted him to do a show called True Performance, and he personally chose me to co-host the show with him. From there, we developed our friendship.

Knowing and working with both Jim and Zig was such a privilege. And through the years, they both taught me incredible lessons. The one lesson that fascinates me the most is that although both of these men were incredibly successful, they had such different personalities. Zig was a gregarious extravert, while Jim was a quiet introvert. What I learned is that your personality doesn’t define your success. Your success is defined by your skill level, how you master those skills, and how you develop and maintain relationships.

The things you tell yourself about an upcoming social situation normally end up happening. Positive self-talk can help you fill your positive ego and reduce your negative thoughts. Before the next event, try saying, “I have great information. I am going to wow this group of people. I am really going to help others”.

Focus on your own personal excellence. If you feel awkward, there is probably an area that you want to improve. Invest in yourself to improve yourself and the self-doubt will go away. Whether it’s bad teeth, poor education, or your wardrobe, the more you work to improve yourself, the more you will feel comfortable in social situations because of your efforts.

Another myth is that there is a personality type that makes a great leader: the confident, gregarious, assertive, extroverted type. Right out of college, I served on the board of a non-profit. I was surrounded by great leaders from professional athletes to successful business people, and only one of the board members had the “leadership personality” that many think you need. The rest of the leaders were quiet and reserved. Your personality does not define who you are as a leader.

The third myth is that leaders can’t show weakness or failure. Admitting or owning up to your weaknesses and failures is one of the best things you can do. Your responsible actions will generate more respect from your followers.

One of the exercises I use is to put eight people in a room and tell everyone they have 10 minutes to be heard. While they are presenting their ideas, their colleagues will listen with the intent to understand and take notes. Give everyone a break and then come back and review those notes collectively.

It’s also essential for a leader to maintain good personal relationships outside of the business relationship. When you understand people in their lives, you have more compassion for them as a person, and not just as a role in your company.

1. Expanded Associations consist of people who support you and boost you. You should expand your association with these people.
2. Limited Associations are people with whom you have to have a relationship (co-workers, family members), but who don’t motivate and support you. Limit your time with these people.
3. Disassociations are people with whom you don’t have to associate with and who are toxic to your own personal success. Disassociate yourself with them.